I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
