i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
