he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
