Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
