i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
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