hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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