He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
