You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
