i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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