His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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