I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
