Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
