its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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