You made me cry and you don't even care
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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