You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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