Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
