woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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