Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
