Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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