I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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