He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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