I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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