Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
