The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
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sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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