He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
