Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Even my vagina gasped.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
