i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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