Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
