THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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