Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
