youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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