i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
