Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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