I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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