I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
