Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
