You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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