Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I party with great urgency now.
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