this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize