Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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