i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
