I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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