I will die if light touches me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize