I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
