and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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