I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
