we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
