Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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