Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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