Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
