i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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