Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
