I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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