I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
