I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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