I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
