This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The power of my boobs compel you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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