I hate your face
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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