he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
birth control should be required to get into college
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
