Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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