And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
