I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
