I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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