i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
