Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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