Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
