Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
