Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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