When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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