if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
