Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
