Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think a kid would responsible me up
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
