whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
