discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
