My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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