Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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